I'm Not Paranoid...Just Overly Aware

When I was little, I remember watching one of those "Who Done-it" shows where the host/narrator is super mysterious and dramatic. There was a story about some guy who set stuff on fire or something, but I remember going to bed super paranoid about fire.
I couldn't sleep, I just kept going over my emergency escape plan where I grab my blankie and some undies and crawl on all fours out the front door.
It was a great plan.
One of my best.
Thankfully I never had to employ this escape plan, but I've noticed how super aware I am of things that could happen.
Maybe my OCD has started to kick in more and more each year...because along with my normal bedtime routine, I have to check all the doors to make sure they're closed and locked. With the current burglaries around my neighborhood lately, I've been even more aware of this.
Speaking of which, a news reporter showed up on our street tonight to do a little report on all the break-ins.
I was driving over to my friends for dinner and I saw them on my way up the hill.
I checked the time.
5:57 PM
Six O'clock news would be on soon.
So of course I called my mom and told her to turn the news on to see the segment...and also to tell me if she could see me driving up the street.
Because I was.
I was driving back and forth on my street to get on the news!
I've become one of those annoying people that stand behind the news reporter doing a piece on world hunger or something, and I'm just in the background waving like a crazy person, mouthing "hi mom".
Oh boy.
I don't think I actually got on the news though. I think they had cut to some interviews with some of my neighbors both times I was in view of the camera.
It's for the best, I'm sure. They probably would've saw me on camera, wondered who that awesome woman in that car was, asked me to do an interview, been so informed, collected, smart and witty, that I'd become famous for being so awesome and I'd have to spend the rest of my life dodging the paparazzi that followed me everywhere.
I just don't have time for that right now.

Routine

I love routine.
And not just because I'm OCD.
I'm not talking switching lights on and off 12 times before you enter or exit a room.
I'm talking basic, daily routine.
Get up.
Go to the bathroom.
Eat breakfast.
Brush teeth.
And so on....

But its the night time routine that I love the best.
I love the settled feeling.
I'll brush my teeth and wash my face and lay down with a good book. Currently I'm reading three different ones. American Childhood by Annie Dillard.
Totally recommend it....I've read it twice since I was first introduced to it my junior year in high school.
Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck. Absolutely my all time favorite. It goes on the top of any favorite list.
I'm on my fourth read.
And a Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway. I've read it once...but I had to read it for some class in college and don't remember what it was about. I was in it just to finish the assignment and move on.
I wish I paid attention the first time because its beautiful. 

I used to think that once I read a book, I couldn't read it again...I always had to find a new book. Obviously I don't feel that way anymore. I love finding new books to read...but sometimes you just need something familiar.

Tonight I'm reading Dillard.

I'm Moving!

Let me tell you a little story that doesn't have any action, and really no plot, but is way exciting.
Spoiler Alert: It's going to end with me moving to the last place on earth I thought I'd end up.
One Sunday morning in November, I was sitting in Relief Society, listening to the announcements when one lady said that she was moving that week to Utah. She found a job and bought a house and was really excited. I was so happy for her, but sad that she'd be leaving. Then I had the thought that I needed to move to Utah.
"What the heck?" I thought. I was totally taken aback by those words that popped up in my head: move to Utah.
"This is probably because that lady just announced she was moving there. And I'm going there for Christmas and I'll see a few friends that live there. That must be the reason I feel this way."
Utah is the last place I wanted to move. And not because I don't like it. I think it's so pretty there...it's just because I've never before had a desire to stay longer than a vacation trip. And for the last year, I've had my sights on the D.C. area.
But the thought kept coming back...."move to Utah".
I had no idea why I kept thinking that. There's no reason for me to move there. So I dismissed it.
Slowly that thought crept back into my head, and it started to sound good....and over time, it started to feel good....like it's the right decision.
I'm a big believer in following my gut.
So, I'm moving to Utah.
End of July, early August.
No one is more surprised than I am right now.
I have no job yet, no reason other than I feel like it's what I need to do.
I'm not worried about finding a job. That will come, I'm sure of it. I'm looking for work in the Salt Lake and Provo areas (although as time keeps passing I feel drawn to Provo). However, I don't actually feel like I need to be moving to Utah for work. I know that teaching is what I'm meant to do, but I could teach anywhere. It's the weirdest feeling...not knowing why I'm so drawn there.
I'm a little astonished at how excited I'm becoming.
Sometimes I get a little giggly thinking about how there's some reason I need to move there....just waiting to see what's going to happen.
When I was nine, my parents took us to Disneyland. The night before we were going to leave my mom put us to bed but I came running out into the living room telling her that I couldn't sleep because I kept giggling. She said it was because I was so excited.

This move kinda feels like I'm about to go to Disneyland.

Here's An Uninformative Post

Well, The Grateful Month is just about over. Thanksgiving was yesterday. I laid around, watched movies, and starved myself all day so I'd be hungry for dinner.
We had ham.
I think that pretty much sums it up.
Good thing Thanksgiving isn't one of my Top Three favorite holidays:
1. National Bird Day
2. Groundhog's Day
3. International Day for the Elderly
Then Thanksgiving.
Then Hoodie-Hoo Day. It's a real thing.

Good news! I finally got a new camera. My old one was...old, so I got an upgrade. AND I also got a new wide angle lens, which I'm super stoked to use. So now that I don't hate my camera and actually have fun taking photos again, I can show you all the stuff I've been working on!
Yay for you!!
These next few weeks will be busy...and if you're lucky I'll share all the happenings with you, my imaginary friends.
Another Yay for you!!!

Don't Sit on My Head

And Other Rules From The Nanny Archives

I'm a nanny again. 

I only have to stare at a computer part-time now. The rest of my time during the day I get to play outside and eat snacks.

I nannied my way through college on my off-track so I wouldn't have to work during school. I wanted to be able to focus on my "studies". 

Let's be honest here, I was an Art Ed major...I had no studies. I went to school and drew stuff. It was awesome. I just didn't want to get a job when I was at school.

As a nanny/babysitter, I've worked with a variety of different families over the last 10+ years. I don't have any horror stories...or at least none that I remember. I'm sure I've suppressed the really horrible ones. I'll probably remember some after I post this-but we can save those for Story Time. I think mostly I have a ton of awkward incidents from working for new people.

Parents are funny creatures. 

For the most part, I've had great experiences being a nanny and I've learned a ton of nifty tricks to get kids to eat or stop hitting each other. 

With every family I've worked for, there's the basic set of rules to follow: wash your hands, no hitting, put your dishes in the sink, pick up your shoes etc

But every family I've worked for in the past develops a more personalized set of rules and it's fun for me to figure them out. 

And by "fun" I mean physically  painful and gross. 

Top 10 rules:

1. Don't sit on my head
2. No farting on people
3. Don't pee on the fence
4. Keep your fingers out of my ear
5. Keep your fingers out of your sisters nose
6. No flinging boogers
7. Don't put worms in your pocket
8. Don't staple your clothes together
9. Keep the Legos away from your ears
10. Don't lick your feet

I've had to repeat these phrases more than I probably should ever have to. But figuring out that they are necessary phrases is the "fun" part. 

All I know is that whenever I start having kids, mine will come out clean, polite and potty trained.

I can dream, can't I?

the Grateful Month

I've been sitting here, writing and re-writing this post and nothing is coming out the way that I want. I wrote a paragraph or so venting about everything that has been frustrating me lately.

As therapeutic as it is to vent...it would be super boring for you (or all my imaginary friends that read this) to read. 

So instead of venting...It's November!!!

The Grateful Month.
30 out of the 365 days of the year we all become incredibly grateful for things we usually gripe about.

I think I do a pretty good job of mixing up the complaints and the gratitude throughout the year. A ton of people are doing the "Thankful Days" and saying what they're grateful for each day this month.
I'm not doing that. I'm lazy.  

Grateful....but lazy.

I'll just end up writing:
I'm thankful for potato chips. 
Which I am. Especially after I've devoured a bag of chocolate chips and need something salty to cut through the cavities I just gave myself.
But I don't know if that's the point. 

I do want to write about what I'm thankful for right now though, because there are SO many things that are going well for me. The last few months I've been implementing a ton of changes in my life and I'm excited about the person I'm becoming. I'm learning to work with my OCD instead of fighting it. I'm meeting the goals I've made for myself. I've gotten better at parallel parking, and I think we're all thankful for that.
I have a job to go to where people give me candy. My parents haven't kicked me out of their house yet even though I eat all their food and leave my dirty clothes in the bathroom sometimes. And I'm flossing way more than I used to.
I'll go ahead and start one of my New Years resolutions early and work on not complaining so much.
I can't promise I won't vent every now and then, but I'll try and have a more positive perspective on things. Except movie prices. How do they expect me to spend money on popcorn and soda if I spend my life savings on the ticket?!? Lame.

On another unrelated note: I keep forgetting I'm vegetarian. I had a Costco hot dog on my way home from work tonight because I was beyond hangry. My gut is full....but now it's just angry.
Good move, Chelsea. 

Halloween

It's October. The time for jack-o-lanterns, candy and scary movies.
I'm a wuss when it comes to scary movies....as we learned from my last post. I employ all the pitiful ways to watch them: The Long Blink, the Finger Fan, The Eye Squint etc.
Yet, in the spirit of Halloween, I decided to give scary movies another try. I don't know why, exactly.
I do this every year and every year I lie to myself.
"It won't be that scary."
"It will be fun!"
False.
I should have known that this year would be no different.
I revisited Halloween a few days ago. It was on T.V. and I figured it was a great time to face my fears.
I watched it.
With all the lights on.
And only through my peripherals.
I just didn't have the fortitude to keep my eyes looking directly at the screen. It took me a while to really get in to the movie. I kept switching the channel when the scary music started playing. I watched a good chunk of the original and was proud of myself. It turned out that there was a marathon of all the Halloween movies so I figured.....why not watch more? My heart rate is already elevated....all this adrenaline might help me lose a few pounds. So I continued to watch, and the fear eventually subsided enough to where I could actually look at the screen.
Turns out, the movies aren't that bad.
You know what, though?
I'm still scared of the dark.
And curtain-less windows.
In fact, I closed all my curtains when I went to bed and considered barricading my closet shut with my bookcase.
But that would've been too much work....and I was already safely under my covers. I wasn't going to risk the chance of something under my bed grabbing me when I got up.

Besides...I had my nightlight.....

Story Time

When I was in fourth or fifth grade, I was invited to a sleepover at Angelina's house. Angelina and I weren't friends. At least, we never played together at recess, and she never invited me over to her house to do anything. I don't even remember getting an invitation.
I think I was a pity invite.
Because I wasn't really friends with Angelina, I didn't want to spend the entire night there. My mom said she'd come and pick me up around 11:00 or so. The plan was to play games and have dinner then watch a couple movies until everyone fell asleep. There were two movies that Angelina's mom rented for us. One was Twister, and the other was Halloween.
You know...Michael Myers Halloween.
Everyone wanted to watch Halloween first, to get the scary movie out of the way so they could all fall peacefully asleep to Twister, which was less scary.
Great idea.
We started the movie, turned out the lights and the fun began. My friend Danielle (who was actually my friend) and I seemed to be the only ones affected by this movie. We were screaming at all the scary parts, which were basically the entire 104 minutes, covering each others eyes and burying our faces in the backs of whoever was sitting next to us.
I think Danielle started crying at one point.
Or maybe that was me.
Everyone else appeared to be okay with what they were watching. One girl was laughing like it was the greatest comedy of all time. Halfway through, I guess some of the girls were getting annoyed with me and Danielle screaming and told us that if we were scared we should go into the other room. We did....but playing Barbie with Angelina's baby sister seemed stupid so we made our way back to the living room.
I was sitting right by the sliding glass door, which didn't have curtains, and Angelina's Doberman kept running up and scaring the pee right out of me. I had never been so scared in my entire life.
(Except for that time I went to a haunted maze my friend's gymnastics class put on. Some guy in a Jason mask popped out at me and I hit him with my pumpkin bucket I was using to collect my candy. I lost all my candy.)
Once the movie was over, I released my death grip on Danielle's arm and she wiped her remaining tears on my sleeve. Everyone was like,
"Oh, that was awesome!"
"Did you see Danielle crying?"
"Chelsea, did you wet your pants?"
We all pulled ourselves together and put Twister on to calm our nerves.
About five minutes into the movie, my mom showed up. I cried the whole way home.
I stayed up the rest of the night watching Scooby-Doo with my mom.
And that's how I became afraid of the dark. And curtain-less windows at night.

The End

A Book Review

In Which I Assess a Written Work Glued or Sewn Together Along One Side and Bound in a Cover

"You can read? I had no idea! Good for you!!"
Thanks.
After watching a movie, ask me what I thought and I'll tell you, "I liked it". That's pretty much it. I like being entertained while double fisting handfuls of popcorn into my mouth.
When it comes to books, I'm a little more opinionated...probably because it takes more than 90 minutes to get through a novel.
So. Plus side of not having anything to do: I can read whenever, and however long I want! I finished
the Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon a few weeks ago.
I honestly loved this book.
Set against the backdrop of WWII, the two heroes, Kavalier and Clay are so entangled in their own victories and catastrophes that they barely recognize that they are the ones pioneering a new art form, creating characters in their own comic books that rival that of Superman.
I feel like there was a bit of a lull towards the last quarter of the book. I found myself resisting the urge to skip over a few parts, wanting to find out what happens in the end. I skimmed through about 30 or 40 pages because I didn't see how relevant it was to the rest of the novel, and the excitement kind of wore off.
Other than that, it has definitely become one of my favorite books...beautiful, fascinating, graceful, elegant prose and definitely an entertaining plot.

Except for the 30 or 40 pages.
I'd probably put it in the list of books I'd read again someday.

Now, I'm halfway through the Moviegoer by Walker Percy. Definitely liking it so far.(Hmm, maybe I should review a book I dont like...)
I've been kind of bored through a few parts...but there are also a few passages that are beautiful and I want to read them over and over.

I see a lot of similarities to the Stranger by Albert Camus (I think I've read that book about five times. Top 10 favorites).
We'll see how I feel after I finish it.

Ticket For One Please

I love movies. There's only a small handful of movies I don't like.
What are they? I can't remember.
I'm a BIG fan of Netflix, Hulu and popping a DVD in on Friday night (or in my case, whenever the heck I feel like it), however, there's just something about watching a movie in a theater.
I love the anticipation, when the lights dim and surround sound comes on, feeling the energy in a room of people who are all watching the same thing, laughing along with perfect strangers. Sometimes crying. And the beauty of that is when you start crying, its dark and no one can see your ugly-drool-cry.
It's exciting.
And popcorn at the theater is way better than microwave (although I prefer air-popped, in case you were wondering).

So I love movies. And I love going to the movies. Even when I go alone.
Once I get past the fact that I waited in line alone, bought my ticket from an Angsty Teen, walked past the popcorn counter because I can't afford a movie AND popcorn, and sat in a room where it felt like everyone was staring at me because I was alone....I had a great time.
I caught up on my Draw Something Free on my phone while I waited in line. Awesome.
I realized no one was looking at me because I was alone.
No one cares.
I sat where I wanted and I totally brought gummy worms and my own Dr. Pepper so I didn't starve during the 90 minute film.
I enjoyed the movie and the best part, was there was no one to ask me questions about the plot that hadn't even been unveiled yet.
And no one saw me spill my soda down my shirt.
The Angsty Teen glared at me on my way out, but I used to have 40 different teens glare at me every hour...having only one was a nice change.

I still enjoy going to see movies with friends, especially when they are the ones buying the popcorn.
Just kidding. I don't use my friends for food.
But seriously....I like free popcorn. 
Nevertheless, I have no problem going by myself. I'm a pretty good date.
Maybe next time I'll buy me dinner beforehand.

Success [suh-k-ses]

1. The attainment of wealth, honor or position
2. The accomplishment of one's goals
3. The favorable outcome of something attempted

Let's talk about this for a minute, shall we?
I've been sitting on my parents couch, wondering what is happening to me. I'm 25 years old. I have a BA in Art Education. I'm a credentialed high school art teacher. I'm an artist and photographer. I feel pretty darn good about what I've accomplished so far in my life.
I'm mostly lazy, but when I do work...I'm dedicated.
However, I don't have a job. I don't have ANY money. And  I moved back home with my parents. None of this is because I'm lazy or didn't care. Things just happen.
I'm in Limbo.
Limbo just happened.
I've been here a lot. The last five years of my life have been a transition. Actually, I don't think I've ever left the "transition" stage of my life. When will it be over? When I have a job that lasts longer than a year? When I can afford to fill my gas tank ALL the way up? When I have my own house?
I don't think Limbo has an end. Just stages. And every stage gets a little easier.
I've already passed the "Who am I and where am I going" stage. I'm pretty lucky I've already figured that part out (mostly) because it would suck BIG TIME for me to have to deal with the different stages all at one time. I think that would suck for anyone.
The big question I have here is, can I be successful if I'm still in Limbo?
I don't have wealth or position. I've tried to get a job this whole year....and obviously it hasn't worked out.

It's a little comforting however, to know that I am a pretty good navigator of transitions. I've had a ton of practice. Where some people may become stressed or anxious to find themselves in Limbo...I'm comfortable. I know how to handle it.
Maybe that is success.
Being able to work with transitions instead of giving in or giving up.
Yes, it would be nice to have an income, a full tank, and my own house. But who says that is what makes someone a success? So I say yes. I can be a successful human being while living in Limbo.

Good talk you guys.
I'll check back in later.
In the meantime...I'll continue eating cereal and work on getting a job.

And because I like to look at things when I read. 

Here.

Look at this!

It's Fall!

Spew [spyoo]

1. pour out forcefully: to flow out forcefully, or force something out in a stream
2. say something forcefully: to utter something in an angry, forceful, or relentless way

What a beautiful definition, and what a beautiful way to describe this new blog that no one will read. I will share with you the information that I believe to be relevant, interesting, and occasionally humorous. But that's just the thing-- I believe-- it will be these things. Most everyone else may just find it weird. And probably just a pile of awkward nonsense. 

I'm a 25 year old college graduate living in the Bay Area. 

Ah, what a wonderful time in my life!! So young. So educated. So fortunate to be living in such a vibrant area! 

I may also mention that I'm unemployed and living at my parents house. 

Oooo cringe. look away. 

Maybe I should have called this blog 'Adventures in Unemployment', or 'How to Live in Your Childhood Room as an Adult'. But I won't be in this situation for long...........right? 

The way I look at it, I'm appearing a little less pathetic by writing all my "adventures" and nonsense down in a blog. 

So here we go. Here's to attempting to maintain some kind of indication of decorum. And here's to writing it down for all my imaginary friends.